


Don't Cross the Line

by SlantedKnitting



Series: merlin memory month 2019 [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Modern Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 13:45:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18718267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlantedKnitting/pseuds/SlantedKnitting
Summary: Arthur tried to kiss Merlin once, and it nearly ruined their friendship. So why on earth would he try again?





	Don't Cross the Line

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [Merlin Memory Month](https://merlinmemorymonth.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr.
> 
> Day 2, Path 3: A Limit Respected / A Line Overstepped

Arthur took a long, deep drink of his whisky and watched as Gwaine thoroughly trounced Merlin at darts. It was pathetic, really. Or it would have been if Merlin wasn't such a carefree loser. He simply yanked the darts out of the board—and the ones he had managed to get into the wall—and asked for another game.

It was all so very predictable, and all so very precious to Arthur. He loved these Saturday nights at Gwaine's, with good drinks and good company. They were easily his favourite part of the week, especially when Merlin came. Sometimes it was just Gwaine, sometimes it was Gwaine and some of their other friends—Lance, Percy, Elyan, Leon—and sometimes it was all of them plus Merlin. On rare occasions, like tonight, it was just the three of them. Lance and Elyan were at a show, Leon and Percy were off being tall together, and so it was just Merlin and Arthur taking up space in Gwaine's basement, drinking his alcohol and putting holes in the wall around his darts board.

These nights hadn't always been a success. There was the one from years ago that Arthur still remembered with a painful clarity. He'd been recently dumped, and his friends had gotten him good and drunk. On the walk home—Arthur and Merlin had lived just a few streets apart at the time—Arthur had sloppily slung his arm over Merlin's shoulders and declared that Merlin was his best friend.

Merlin had just chuckled and removed Arthur's arm. And Arthur, clueless and an arse, had replaced it. He said he meant it—that Merlin really was his best friend—and said he wanted more.

"More?" Merlin had asked, and that was the last moment where things were easy between them.

"More of you," Arthur had said. And then he'd stumbled a little in his attempt to kiss Merlin while they were still walking.

Merlin had pushed him away, firmly yet gently, and escorted him home. In the morning, Arthur got a text from him.

**If you really mean it, come talk to me sober. If you don't, let's pretend it didn't happen.**

Arthur had opted for the second option. He never brought it up, and neither did Merlin, and things were almost normal between them. Sometimes Arthur caught an undercurrent of wariness, of annoyance, of tension that had never been there before. But, mostly, they managed. Merlin never walked Arthur home alone after that, but that was the only real sign that anything had gone wrong between them.

That had been years ago, and Arthur still agonised over it. He'd been an idiot to throw himself at Merlin like that—sad and drunk and desperate. Of course Merlin had taken it for what it was—a pathetic attempt at a rebound—and of course he'd set a boundary. Arthur imagined he would have done the same had the tables been turned.

Except, underneath the pathetic attempt at a rebound, it had been real. Merlin really was Arthur's best friend, and Arthur really did want more.

Arthur had taken the rejection as a sign that Merlin didn't feel the same way. He had offered to talk about it sober, but Arthur didn't want to subject himself to a second rejection, and so he had never taken him up on the offer. Instead he had buried his feelings as best he could and moved on.

"Arthur!" Gwaine called, pulling Arthur out of his thoughts. "Cover for me." He handed over his darts and bounded upstairs, likely to the toilet.

Arthur chucked a dart, missing the board completely. He was just as bad at this game as Merlin was.

"All right?" Merlin asked, lining up his shot. "You got very quiet."

"All right," Arthur said. He watched Merlin flub the shot and laughed. "Why do we even bother?" he asked. He tried again, attempting to aim but still missing by a wide margin.

"Because it's fun," Merlin said. He threw another dart and got it on the edge of the board. He threw his hands up in victory and turned to Arthur with a wide, bright grin. "I won!"

Arthur held up his remaining darts. "Game's not over, Merlin."

"No, but I still consider that to be a win."

Arthur chuckled and was lining up his next shot when Gwaine returned.

"I'll take those," Gwaine said, grabbing the darts out of Arthur's hands. "Unfortunately I have to cut the evening short."

"How come?" Arthur asked, looking at his mostly undrunk whisky.

"Got company coming," Gwaine said as he waggled his eyebrows.

"We could stay," Merlin offered, "and ply her with stories of how wonderful you are."

"It'll be a sad day when I need your help to get laid."

Merlin grinned and handed over the rest of his darts. "We'll get out of your hair, then."

The three of them headed upstairs and Arthur pulled out his mobile to check the time. It was still mostly early. He supposed he could take a cab home and watch a film or something.

"Fancy a pub?" Merlin asked once they were outside Gwaine's house.

"Oh—yeah," Arthur agreed and followed Merlin around the block to one of Gwaine's local haunts.

"How've you been?" Merlin asked when they settled at the bar with two beers.

Arthur had missed the previous Saturday, forced to stay home with a horrible cold. "Good," he confirmed. "I'm feeling much better."

"That's good. Hopefully it won't spread around."

Arthur nodded and sipped at his beer, registering how awkward this was. He and Merlin hadn't gone out alone together since before _the incident_. Neither of them had dared. Now they were here, drinking together like they hadn't done in years and both pretending it was normal.

"I'm seriously thinking about getting a dog," Merlin said.

Arthur looked over at him. "Really?"

"No," Merlin said, his smile a little forced. "I'm allergic."

"That's what I thought." Arthur chuckled. "You're an odd one."

"Is that new?"

"Not at all."

Merlin grinned and took a long swig of his beer, and Arthur followed, thinking they had probably better get through their drinks quickly before they had to struggle through any more awkwardness.

"Who do you think Gwaine's with right now?" Merlin asked after a moment.

"Who knows? He's always got someone new."

"Usually," Merlin agreed. "He's seen that one girl a few times, though, hasn't he?"

"Has he?"

"I think so. Elena. I think he likes her."

"That'd be a new development," Arthur said. "I didn't think he was capable."

Merlin laughed and nudged Arthur's elbow with his own. For some reason that made Arthur blush, and he chugged about half of his beer.

"Thirsty?" Merlin asked.

"Just tired," Arthur lied. "Thinking I should get to bed soon."

Merlin checked the time on his mobile. "Are you sure you're not still ill?"

Arthur shrugged.

They finished their beers in silence, both pretending to watch the quiz show playing on the telly behind the bar.

Arthur hated it. He hated how difficult this was. They had been managing so well in larger groups, and he didn't understand why this had to be so different. He had thought that Merlin was still his friend—still his _best_ friend—but maybe he had been wrong. Maybe Merlin was still holding a grudge. Maybe Merlin hated him.

"Well," Merlin said as soon as he'd emptied his bottle. "You should get home, I guess. Get some sleep."

Arthur nodded. "Are you walking home?"

Merlin lived about twenty minutes from Gwaine, but it wasn't the safest walk to take at night.

Merlin nodded.

"I'll walk with you."

"And then what?"

Arthur shrugged. "I'll call a cab. I'm too lazy to make it to the Tube."

"You going to fall asleep in the cab?"

"I'm sure I'll make it."

"All right." Merlin stood and led the way out of the bar.

They walked in silence for a while, listening to the sounds of the city around them.

Arthur still hated it.

"Hey," he said, grabbing Merlin's arm as they approached his street.

"What?" Merlin asked, shrugging out of Arthur's grip.

"What's going on with us?"

"Nothing," Merlin said quickly.

"It's not 'nothing', you've barely looked at me all night."

"Arthur—"

"Don't 'Arthur' me, tell me what's going on. Have I done something wrong?"

"No," Merlin said, watching some other pedestrians pass them by.

"Then what—"

"It's nothing, all right? Just… just drop it."

"I can't drop it. You're meant to be my friend, but suddenly it feels like you'd rather be anywhere else other than with me."

"It's the opposite, actually," Merlin said, his voice low enough that Arthur almost didn't catch it.

"What?"

Merlin sighed. "Look—"

Arthur had had enough. He didn't want another poor excuse, he didn't want to walk another block in pained silence, he didn't want to pretend that everything was fine when it so very clearly wasn't.

He cupped Merlin's cheeks and pulled him in for a kiss.

Merlin froze at first, his eyes wide and his lips dry and stiff.

Arthur waited, and, after a long, long moment, Merlin began to kiss him back. He licked his lips and got his tongue in Arthur's mouth and his hands in Arthur's hair. Arthur melted into it a bit, leaning against Merlin and sliding one hand down to his back to keep them balanced.

Someone cat called them, and Arthur pulled away, remembering where they were.

Merlin stared down at the pavement, one hand covering his mouth. He looked like he was about to be sick.

"Merlin?"

Merlin shook his head. "Don't," he said, lowering his hand.

"Don't what?"

"Just… just don't. I fucking—I _told_ you to come to me fucking sober and we could talk about it, and you never did. You never did." He looked up, his gaze wild and hurt. "And then you just—"

"I thought you didn't want me," Arthur said.

Merlin shook his head again. "Then you're an idiot."

He turned and walked away, towards his block of flats. Arthur stayed where he was, watching until Merlin was out of sight, and then he called a cab.

In the morning, he took a long shower and went over to Merlin's. He sent a text when he arrived.

**_Hey, I'm outside. Can we talk please?_ **

It took several minutes for Merlin to reply.

**I would prefer not to.**

**_I know. But we need to. I'm sober._ **

He rang the bell, and, as he had hoped, Merlin buzzed him in.

"I'm sorry I called you an idiot," Merlin said as soon as he opened the door to his flat.

Arthur went inside and shrugged. He was used to Merlin calling him an idiot. It had never stung so much before, though.

"I'm sorry I kissed you."

Merlin closed the door behind Arthur, his expression tense. "Yeah. Well. We can go back to pretending it didn't happen—"

"No, I mean, I'm sorry I kissed you like that instead of using my damn words like that adult I supposedly am. I'm sorry I never talked to you about what happened before."

"Before?"

"When I said I wanted to be more than friends."

Merlin flushed. "Oh. That was ages ago."

"Clearly it's still relevant."

Merlin nodded slowly.

"I meant what I said," Arthur explained. "I thought you didn't feel the same way, so I… I opted to pretend it didn't happen. But I shouldn't have."

"No," Merlin agreed quietly.

"I should have talked to you."

"Yes."

"And if I had talked to you all those years ago, what would you have said?"

Merlin sighed and rubbed at his eyes. "I would have said that I wanted to be more than friends, too, but that I wanted you to be sure, and I didn't want to be a one-night stand."

"You wouldn't have been."

Merlin shrugged. "Maybe not."

"You wouldn't have been," Arthur insisted. "I meant what I said. And I was sure. I'm still sure."

Merlin took a deep breath and looked away for a moment.

"We're both idiots," he finally said. "We should have done this years ago."

Arthur reached out, and Merlin let him take his hand.

"We can do it now, though."

Merlin nodded, and it looked like he was biting down a smile. "And you're—"

"I'm sure," Arthur said quickly. "Are you?"

Merlin nodded, and Arthur stepped closer for a kiss. It was slow at first, hesitant, but then it morphed back into the desperate kiss from the night before.

"I've missed you," Arthur said when Merlin broke away.

"You see me every week."

"You know what I mean."

Merlin smiled gently. "I've missed you, too. Let's not miss each other anymore, yeah?"

"Yeah," Arthur agreed, and he pulled Merlin back in for another kiss.


End file.
